Some of you may know that I recently went into hospital to get my other knee replaced after having got the first one replaced in February. Clearly a man on a mission post-lockdown I got my name down on the waiting list for the second knee. My name was called early and I grabbed the window of opportunity.
Same hospital, same surgeon and the same ward, which was full. The nursing staff as before were excellent though they must have remembered me as they sometimes came in pairs. This was somewhat disconcerting as bailiffs come in pairs, but I guess it shows they meant business.
An interesting part of the exercise is the catheter. You wake up after the operation with the catheter inserted in your Old Fella. It feels like you permanently want to urinate, which you do as they are pumping litres of fluid into you via an intra-venous drip. After 24 hours of this you definitely want it removed and this is where it got interesting.
With my first knee I had no idea what to expect about removing the catheter. A senior nurse was in charge but the trainee nurse present asked to remove the catheter. As I held on to my Old Fella she started to pull on the catheter but partway through paused momentarily. A sharp ‘Don’t stop’ from the senior nurse and the catheter was out and I could see why as at least a foot long. No jokes please. This time round I had a senior nurse do the business and all went well. It is so important to have woman with experience when dealing with things down below.
Unlike the nursing staff the food was still awful. The first meal showed some promise but then it slid wnhill very quickly. About the only improvement was that the tea and coffee were now hot. I survived on soup, sandwiches and ice cream for four days though on the last night I hobbled across the road in my dressing gown to the Servo to get takeaway.
This time round I also took notice of the big white board on the wall in front of my bed. There were six pictures of activities like standing up, walking, etc. On each picture they put coloured magnetic buttons to show my progress: red for cannot do, orange for needs help and green for capable. Perhaps I should colour-code my life. Orange for being a husband but verging on red if you speak to Her Indoors. Any suggestions for other colour-codes are welcome only as long as they are green.