This week I went to the dentist and the usual mask sign had changed: ‘Masks not required but encouraged.’ Frankly I have had enough of all this mask nonsense especially as it has been proven to be ineffective. If I was the dentist the sign would have read: ‘Masks permitted but actively discouraged.’
Clearly I would not have been a sympathetic dentist. ‘Well sir, we seem to have run out of anaesthetic. Yes, yes, Mr. Cartwright, I quite understand your reticence to have a filling but you can always hold firmly on to my nurse here. Just give her a firm cuddle. Tanya is most obliging.’
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Last weekend we had the nonagenarians round to lunch again. If you remember I was in their company before Christmas and I was quite alarmed by their flirtations. It had been a long time since any woman has been coy and giggly with me. This time I was taking no risks. The Mrs had to sit next to me and was NOT allowed to leave the table on any circumstances. I also wore a box and had the high-pressure hose on standby. You cannot be too careful in the circumstances.
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Recently the Welsh Rugby Union tried to ban the Welsh crowd from singing Tom Jones’s ‘Why, Why, Why Delilah’ at Wales rugby games at Cardiff Arms Park. It was a red rag to a bull. At the next match the crowd promptly ignored them and sang the song with full gusto. Why the WRU thought they would be obeyed is beyond me. It is a bit like telling the crowd who they could sleep with.
This reminds me of an interview I heard once on Desert Island Discs. It was with a lesbian author who at one stage switched sides so to speak and married a man. A popular lesbian magazine then awarded her the prize of ‘Most Disappointing Lesbian of the Year.’ Clearly not Gold Star. Not that she should mind. For years my wife has labelled me the ‘Most Disappointing Heterosexual’ and I have yet to get a badge let alone a star.