The Mrs is back from France and the French were so upset they rioted for five days. Luckily no such eruptions have occurred here since her return though I of course have had to adjust my lifestyle. Whilst she was away I was able to return to my own ways – leaving cupboard doors deliberately open, having only four chairs round the table at KI rather than the usual twelve. I have never worked out why we need to have twelve chairs round the table. They seem to breed. They are a considerable impediment for diners to actually sit at the table as they fight for a place with the chairs. Twelve of them and only six of us.
Of course I would have liked to have surprised the Mrs with a new image. I re-watched the TV series ‘White Lines’, which is a cutting satire on the party drug culture on Ibiza. One of the main characters is Boxer, pronounced Box-ere by the Spanish. A real cool dude and I felt a great affinity with him – beard, silver rings and bracelets. I could even have shaved my head and perhaps got a tattoo on my arse. So me, but somehow I bottled out.
Not that it stopped my diligence as a writer going down rabbit-holes. I was in Queensland not so long ago and a man in his early twenties announced to me and his whole family that he would be going to a fetish club party. Being a responsible adult I knew this was a situation where I needed to keep a straight face. When he said he had bought pink furry handcuffs for the occasion I kept a straight face so choked on my beer.
Being a fiction writer I felt duty bound to investigate further so opened the club website to find a dungeon world. Entry is at the sole discretion of the Door Bitch, which should be a giveaway. Apparently the most important accessory on the night is the right attitude. A bit like life really. The club promotes a pansexual alternative lifestyle with some Fetish BDSM play.
As is normal in the rabbit-hole, or in this case the warren, you reach a juncture: left or right. I chose BDSM. The next website reliably informed me that BDSM can be split into three main categories or six different acts: bondage and discipline, domination and submission, sadism and masochism. So far so good. I was keeping up. Then there was a link to ‘How to spank properly’. I clearly needed to improve my technique.
The upshot of all this is that I have ordered some pink furry handcuffs. Unfortunately I have had to order a new bedhead as handcuffs cannot be attached to the present bedhead. It will be a close call as to which arrives first. If it is the bedhead then I will have a lot of explaining to do. Best to first warn the Mrs though I will wait until she is over her jetlag. Wish me luck.